We continue to reflect upon man’s responsibilities in marriage. We pay special attention to the man’s role in heading his wife in this article.

The husband is entrusted with the leadership role within the context of marriage. This is an area where some African men fail dismally. They want to give orders and become bosses to their wives. They do so without trying to communicate and hear what their wives’ opinions concerning certain issues are. They take unilateral decisions like dictators.

Their women are relegated to inferior beings or they are treated the same way as children in the family. This is not a Biblical understanding of leadership within a context of marriage.

Biblical leadership entails “servanthood” (Matthew 20:20-28; John 13:1-15) – the husband therefore becomes the family’s biggest servant. His leadership should resemble that of Christ for his church (Ephesians 5:23). The husband’s great model should be Christ, who made himself a servant for the sake of his church (Philippians 2:6-8).

As a servant leader, he humbled himself and gave his life as a ransom for many, and in the end God made him head over all things for the sake of the church. Whatever Jesus does, He has the best interest of the church at heart. This is the kind of leadership that African men should show their wives.

The husband can show his leadership as Christ did to his church by giving instruction to his wife (and children if they are there), associating with her at all times, leading by example and serving her with dignity. The husband’s leadership means that he must strive to be an example, a model, and a pattern of godliness, holiness, companionship, dedication, and devotion to God (Mack, 1979:29).

He should lead his wife in taking responsible decisions that will benefit their marriage. “Fifty-fifty” marriages cannot work. If decision-making responsibility is left to nobody, then no decision will be taken within a marriage.

Within a Christian marriage, God entrusted husbands with the responsibility of taking final decisions. They must do so in prayer and with a servant’s attitude. In this regard he will greatly value his wife's opinions, advice, desires, suggestions and requests.

He will take into consideration that decisions within a family cannot be taken unilaterally. He must learn to respect that his wife is his great helper and therefore communication should take place prior to any decision being taken within their family. In fact, if the wife’s opinion differs from the husband’s on major issues where there is no scriptural directive, the husband should be very careful about forcing his opinion upon her.

They should negotiate and pray together for God’s will on the issue until they reach consensus. If consensus is impossible, the husband must take a ruling on the matter, taking into consideration that he cannot shift his responsibility and become a leader to her by following her (Mack, 1979:30). This type of leadership is possible if the two spend quality time together.

This then becomes a genuine element of developing oneness in marriage. - Prof Derrick T Mashau, [email protected]