The reality of problems and conflicts in African marriages

Date: 20 November 2014   Read: 441

If we are to save our marriages, it is important for the marriage counsellor to remind a couple he or she is qualifying for marriage that, while we acknowledge as Christians that marriage is from God and that it is holy, at the same time we acknowledge that it is also affected by sin.

Life in marriage is therefore not just plain sailing. Marriage has its own problems, and this does not exclude African marriages. There is a Venda saying that “vhathu ndi nanga dza kholomo vha a kudana” meaning “Wherever there are people, there is always a possibility of some differences in opinions and so on”. In the process, people end up hurting one another’s feelings, trust and love. It is therefore important for the couple to be willing and ready to forgive each other whenever one has wronged the other.

Many marriages hit rock bottom because of problems that the couples cannot deal with. The reality of problems and conflicts within marriages makes it imperative that those who are in marriage or being qualified for one should be taught conflict-resolution skills. 

This will equip and enable them to deal with all marriage problems that they might encounter in their marriage.

In this article, we reflect on some potential marital problems in African marriages and the following can be mentioned:

Firstly, failure to develop a common philosophy of life and of marriage by couples. The couple should work together to develop a common philosophy of life. This entails the way they view marriage, sexuality in marriage, their respective responsibilities, accumulation and use of money, children and their upbringing.  They should be able to develop unity in the manner that they approach and deal with those issues from a Biblical viewpoint. All the issues mentioned above have the potential to cause problems in one’s marriage and should be dealt with accordingly.

Secondly, many marriages do not succeed because couples did not learn the skills of communication and problem solving. 
Communication is the key to every successful relationship. This is coupled with the ability to deal with various problems encountered within married life. Marital communication encompasses all forms of transmitting information and messages, exchange of ideas and feelings with one’s spouse, spoken or unspoken.

The couple should learn to communicate and express their love and commitment to each other if they want to succeed in their marriage. I know of a few Christian families where you still hear of couples calling one another using ”love” words and ”lovely” names, i.e. sweetheart, darling, sweety-pie, pumpkin, you name them. Love language should be used in marriage for the couple to remain happy at all times.

Whenever there are problems, they should also learn to use principles of how to solve their marriage problems. In this regard they should learn to sharpen their communication skills if they want to succeed in communicating effectively in their marriage.
Only the marriages of those couples who are not prepared to make an effort to learn such communication skills hit the rocks. Communication breakdown in the home is a major threat to the bond of marriage. Our next article will continue to list some of these potential problems.