Plain Truth: Cheating in marriage can be beaten

Date: 11 October 2013   Read: 1523

Cheating in marriage can be beaten.

The last part of our previous article addressed this matter. In this article, I would like to go much deeper into addressing this problem at a more personal level. I am saying this because cheating is a personal matter and a personal decision to quit it is necessary.

When couples lose the spark in their marriage – that chemistry to seek to be together at all cost - then things start to fall apart. You can overcome cheating by drawing closer to your spouse. How do you do that?

Be passionate about your love and marriage. Passion, and not just passion but great passion, can do the necessary trick. Remind yourself of the first time you fell in love and how much you would have done everything possible to remain in love with such a person. I know of cases where parents would have tried to stop their children’s relationships but did not succeed because of love.

I know of families who would have started without the blessings of their parents but decided to move on with their relationship in the name of love. I am not making this point to justify what they have done but to make a point that love has the power to move mountains. Remembering your first love for each other can go a long way to prevent you from cheating.

Secondly, you need to spice up your relationship by applying different techniques as to how best you approach your life together. It entails new ways of communication, solving problems, relating to in-laws and friends, finances, leisure and indeed your sex life. The underlying issue in this article is that you need to be more romantic in your approach – love language and passionate sexual activities involved. As for the love language, stop calling your wife or husband by your child’s name, ‘khotsi a Mulanga’ or ‘mme a Mulanga’; call each other by  those sweet names that you used when you first fell in love - ‘sweety’, ‘babes’, ‘sweet-pie’, ‘pumpkin’ and so on.

As for spicing up sexual activities in your marriage, stop using just the missionary position as you engage sexually. The first step is to stop being shy to be naked in front of your spouse. Do not switch off the lights to be intimate, but you can dim the lights or share a candle night together. Know your partner’s sex organs and do not just speculate about it. Then be passionate in terms of combining the love language and sexual activities. Do not just be quiet when making love. Tell your partner when he or she is doing the right things and scream if you want to because you are passionate about what you are doing. Discuss what you like and do not like in the whole process about lovemaking. Your approach should indeed be romantic.

God wants us to be passionate and romantic in our approach in order to strengthen our marriages. For instance, you read in the Bible of the following: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is more delightful than wine … Take me away with you – let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers” (Song of Songs 1:2, 4). Be outspoken about love and sex, and in the process you will bring back the spark in your marriage that will save it and stop you from cheating. You need to move into uncharted waters and swim there to save your marriage. We continue next week! - Prof Derrick Mashau, Department of Christian Spirituality, Church History and Missiology, UNISA. ([email protected].)