Plain Truth: The great scandal ...

Date: 04 October 2013   Read: 536

Cheater?  Who? Me? I have been coerced to do what I am doing.

Some would say "I have been pushed to do what I am doing". Others will blame circumstances or others for cheating, but cheating is without doubt one of the biggest factors in the destruction of marriages.

Cheating, by both men and women, is causing lots of pain in many marriages and in the end, some end up divorcing or just living together whilst they have, for all intents and purposes, divorced.
You have couples who no longer share their bedroom but remain married for the sake of their children or for fear of sharing the wealth that they have accumulated together.

There are various reasons why men and women cheat on their spouses but I would like to reflect on the following:
(1) Temptation: Men are easily tempted to cheat because of their roving eye. It is easier for a woman to catch the attention of a man than for a man to catch the attention of a woman (it does happen on the rare occasion). Temptation can be considered a "pull factor" as you are pulled to cheat by giving in to your evil desires;

(2) Lack of good communication in a marriage has led to many finding comfort with men and women who speak openly and in a friendly manner to them; this will be considered a "push factor" since one is pushed away by one's spouse.

One other push factor will include, among others, (3) lack of real sexual intimacy in one’s marriage. That is why it is important for a married couple to keep their linen clean and not deny each other conjugal rights. Some men are working overtime at work and just come home to sleep and not render any service sexually to their partners. This pushes some women to cheat because of sexual starvation;

(4) Marital conflicts might also contribute in a big way to why men and women cheat. When you are fighting over whatever (money, children, attention, abuse, etc.), it is the right time for the devil to entrench the division and cause more harm by prompting you to seek solace elsewhere.
While it is easy to blame cheating on others, it is imperative to note that cheating can be beaten.

How do we overcome cheating? There are a number of ways that we can share on this matter, but I have chosen to reflect on the following:

(1) Be satisfied with what you have. Once you make your choice in terms of who must become your marriage partner, you need to be satisfied and live with your choice for the rest of your life. There are beautiful women and handsome men out there who will charm you to think otherwise, but it is important to always remind yourself that you have made your choice in the belief that God has brought you this person.

(2) Reflect on the aftermath of cheating, and you will be confronted with the truth that "naked beauty is like a shallow grave" waiting to consume you.

(3) Resist the devil as and when he tempts you; if you can’t fight him, then run just like Joseph, who refused the advances and seduction of Potiphar’s wife. Joseph in Genesis 39 was spared because he decided to run away. Run and do not look back!

(4) Prayer is more important in the whole process of doing away with cheating. Pray that the Spirit of God will empower you to say no.

(5) Play your brother’s keeper. It is important that, as human beings, we should stop encouraging one another to cheat, but instead when you get an opportunity to inculcate a culture of being faithful and true to your partner to do so unashamedly.

- Prof Derrick Mashau, Department of Christian Spirituality, Church History and Missiology, UNISA. ([email protected].)