Plain Truth: Marriage is a great heritage

Date: 27 September 2013   Read: 481

Whilst spending my Heritage Day working in my garden, I also had time to reflect on the marriage institution from a heritage point of view. It became apparent to me that marriage is a great heritage that we must all cherish as much as we cherish our culture and the beauty of being Africans.

God instituted marriage to be a lasting relationship, leaving no space for a trial-and-error mentality which has contributed enormously towards the high rate of divorce.

We can save our marriages by going back to the basics of marriage as instituted by God. The first aspect to note is that marriage is from God. I was reminded of this truth once again when pastors laid hands on Matodzi and Rilwele Ramala last Saturday. The marriage formula read reminded us that, as much as God created Eve for Adam, it is still the same today – God is the one who gives us our life partners.

Knowing this will go a long way in terms of appreciating our spouses as gifts from God, thereby empowering us not only to love them, but also to respect them as images of God who are worthy of our love and respect at all times.

When Eve was handed to Adam by God, he sang a very beautiful love song, a heritage for all lovebirds: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23). Men are to love their wives enough to tell them not only that they love them every day, but also to share the love language every day. Love language is not only a heritage from God as marriage is, but also a way to express your heartfelt commitment to your mate

African men always fail in this regard because they shy away from expressing their emotions and feelings in the presence of others. Make sure that you express yourself not only in the bedroom, but also in the presence of others because this affirms your love for the other in the presence of all. It is important to do this because of the following reasons:

(1) it says that you are more comfortable with the choice that you have made and are not shy to share your joy about your choice in the presence of others;

(2) it makes a difference in the life of the one who receives the love language – they glow and also grow in confidence and trust, knowing that they are surely loved;

(3) it makes a difference in the life of your children as well. Your children love it when they witness love between their parents. They grow up to respect marriage and cherish love because of what they have seen with their parents.

Efforts to communicate how you feel about your spouse are more important than buying him or her gifts. Yes, gifts can do the trick and, indeed, we need to spoil one another or express our love by buying those gifts, but talking is even more important. 

You can never go wrong when you spend quality time with your wife or husband, and just appreciate her or him in your life. Now that I work in the same institution with my wife, we spend quality time during lunch and it is such moments that I remind her how much I love her and how much she brings into my life. When you communicate and share love language, it easily translates into sparks of intimacy and therefore improve your sex life as a couple.

Lack of sex or rather quality and intimate sexual encounters, which are more intentional but also spontaneous – in terms of happening not only in the darkness of your bedroom, but also in the living room - kills the fire of love instead of fanning it. Revive and spice up your relationship!

- Prof Derrick Mashau, Department of Christian Spirituality, Church History and Missiology, UNISA. ([email protected].)