Plain Truth: Why are so many marriages falling apart today?

Date: 13 September 2013   Read: 1006

The stigma associated with divorce has become almost non-existent in our society and, as a result, we have seen quite a substantial number of marriages ending up in divorce.

Divorce, irrespective of repercussions that those going through this process face, has become a common denominator in our society. It is amazing that this trend cuts across racial and religious divides. It is shocking to witness the number of marriages that were solemnized in the presence of God, parents and the church going down the drain. Why is it that many marriages are failing today?

In my recent study and research, it has become clear that there are a number of contributory factors as to why marriages are failing. I will try to reflect on these factors in this article and proceed in the following weeks to highlight how best we can do our part (best) to eradicate this sorry state of marriage in our times. The following factors can be cited:

Lack of premarital counselling: It is common among newly married couples to find themselves in the situation where they just get married without undergoing premarital counselling, which results in a flawed foundation which ultimately cannot stand the test of time.

Marrying for wrong reasons:  Some marriages, those facing serious challenges and on the brink of collapsing, often face these because couples marry for the wrong reasons. A marriage of convenience will always face challenges, and by convenience I mean marrying for status, retaining a family name, having a child together, and indeed marriage by arrangement wherein parents push you to marry someone you do not love.

Infidelity in marriage: Cheating, by both men and women, in marriage is causing lots of pain in many marriages and some end up divorcing or just continue living together whilst they have literally divorced. You have couples who no longer share their bedroom but remain married for the sake of their children or for fear of sharing the wealth that they have accumulated together.

Debts doing us apart: Some marriages are facing financial storms wherein one of the two either misuses money or has the habit of getting the family indebted by borrowing money and incurring debts that the couple can’t service. Instead of 'until death do us part’, it now becomes an issue of ‘debts do us part’.

Interference from external forces: External forces in this instance refer to more than just the element of infidelity where there is another man or woman, but it also involves parental control (remote control) wherein one of the two cannot take own decisions without consulting with parents or without parents telling him or her what to do. This also includes love for material things (possessions).

And last but not the least, failure to communicate effectively: Lack of proper communication and problem-solving skills has resulted in many marriages hitting rock bottom. In this instance, men often withdraw from engaging with real issues and problems in their marriages, whilst women often behave like mosquitos who are forever making noise but causing real damage in terms of them driving the other person away.

That is why men often find solitude in beer drinking or befriending other women at work and so on. The next article will focus more on how best we can start dealing with some of these factors with an eye to providing a lasting solution as to how best we can save our marriages from collapsing or ending in divorce. - Prof Derrick Mashau, Department of Christian Spirituality, Church History and Missiology, UNISA. ([email protected].)