I don't blame him

“I no longer blame him,” said Livhuwani Mukheli* when referring to her biological brother. This is the same brother who, when she was a 14 year-old-girl, raped her repeatedly. Seventeen years have passed and her brother is still serving a lengthy jail sentence.

Livhuwani was one of the crime victims who attended a reconciliation session last week. It was organised by the Department of Correctional Services and the event was held at the Higher Grace Church in Biaba Nzhelele. The event created a platform for victims and offenders to meet and try and find some reconciliation through dialogue.

During an exclusive interview with Limpopo Mirror, Livhuwani explained what had happened back in 2000, when she was still an innocent young girl. “He (my brother) would come when I was alone at home and start to rape me,” she said. “We used to stay with our mother and our other brother, who was too young to notice anything. At the time, my mother was working and she was hardly home as she often worked till late at night,” she added.

“I would sometimes run away from home, because of him. My mother would then send him to look for me, but he would first rape me before taking me home,” she explained. “There came a time when we moved from our old house and he moved in with his father, but he would still come back and rape me.”

“I remember one day I went to visit my aunts from my maternal family where we used to stay. He followed me there and claimed that he was taking me home. On the way back home he raped me again,” she explained

“When we arrived home, he tried to force me to bath. I refused and he said he would do it to me again.  I refused and when he eventually left I decided to visit my aunt just a few blocks away. When I arrived there, he was also there and he started poisoning them against me, saying I didn't sleep at home. They started calling me names. I cried and started telling them what had been happening.”

Livhuwani said that the incident had affected her in many ways. The psychological scars remained for many years and affected her relationships with other people. She married a man who physically abused her and struggled to break free from the vicious cycle of violence.

Livhuwani’s brother was arrested for his crimes in 2001 and sentenced to 25 years in prison.

During last week’s reconciliation session, the brother had the opportunity to meet with his sister and express his feelings. “I don’t feel proud of raping my sister. I am very ashamed as I am standing here in front of my parents. The time I have served inside made me realize that what I did was wrong,” he said

“My sister, I regret what I did. I destroyed your future. Today you could have been somewhere, but now you can’t even face the world because of me. From the bottom of my heart I am very sorry. I cannot really explain why or how I did it, but I did rape her several times. As I am standing here I feel ashamed,” he said.

In response to what her brother had said, Livhuwani could only utter “Everything happens for a purpose and I don't blame him.”

Livhuwani said that her brother was not the only one who had wronged her. “I lived a miserable life and have been through a lot of things,” she said. She said that she could not wait for her children to meet their uncle as they did not know him. She also asked her parents to forgive him, as they need to be the pillars of the family.

* Livhuwani is not her real name and is a pseudonym used to protect the victims of such crimes.

Date:22 October 2017

By: Maanda Bele

Maanda  Bele, born and raised in Nzhelele Siloam, studied journalism at the Tshwane University of Technology.

He is passionate about current news and international affairs.

He worked as part of the Zoutnet team as an intern in 2017.

He is currently a freelance journalist specialising in news from the Vhembe district.

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