Plain Truth: Do not allow children to separate you

Date: 06 December 2013   Read: 687

The joy of having children in Africa is unspeakable; hence the Vhavenda-speaking people of Limpopo have an old adage that says: “matakadza mbiluni ndi nwana” (that which brings joy to one’s heart is a child).

If you are married and cannot bear children, it feels like you are cursed because of societal pressure that comes with it. People think it is automatic that, once you are married, you should also give birth and forget that as much as God gives children to married and unmarried people, it is also his prerogative not to give others children. The Bible says children are a heritage from the hand of God.

If you are blessed with children in your marriage, you should cherish every moment with them and you should do your utmost to fend for and take good care of them. You should provide and educate them to become better citizens who are able to transform society through whatever God has placed in their hands - their gifting.

There is one key issue that I want to address with this article – the fact that children can also be a factor in the high rate of divorce. As much as we cherish them as gifts from God, they have unfortunately contributed in some marriages to divorce. I have seen, for instance, how women can easily get detached from their husbands as soon as they start giving birth. There are families where the level of communication between the two (husband and wife) has reached zero in the absence of children around them.

Do not lose the spark of communication because of the presence of children. Do not lose the spark of love for one another because of children either. Love and cherish your children together, but at the same time, enjoy each other’s company. As we celebrated our 18th anniversary on 2 December, my wife reminded us of the most important principle that we adopted in raising our children: “You are our guests, and we love and cherish you. We will do everything possible to make you as comfortable as possible until such time that you will leave our space, but know that you are not allowed to come between us”.

That is why we sometimes, intentionally, go out for one or two days where we spend time together without our children. We want to make sure that, by the time they leave our space, we will still continue to enjoy our love. (Prof Derrick Mashau)